For families7 minute read

Marrying as a revert

The specific difficulties reverts face in the marriage process, and what to look for in a family that will handle it well.

The honest picture

Reverts are frequently treated as a second tier in matrimonial processes, particularly where community and caste are doing more work than anyone admits. This is a failing of the people involved, not a rule of the deen.

It also means you can afford to be selective. A family that hesitates over your background is telling you something useful about the next thirty years.

Your wali

Where a revert woman has no Muslim guardian, the scholars have addressed who acts as wali, generally a trusted person of standing in the community or the imam. Arrange this early rather than at the point of the contract.

What to ask a family

How do they expect you to relate to their extended family, given yours may not be Muslim?

What do they expect at family occasions, on both sides?

Have they married into a revert family before, and how did that go?

What to look for

A family that asks about your learning rather than your lineage. A husband who understands that your support network may be thinner and is willing to be part of building it.

General guidance, not a fatwa. Where something is disputed among the scholars we have said so, and you should ask someone you actually learn from rather than relying on a website, including this one.

Read next
Process

Twenty questions worth asking before the nikah

The questions that actually predict whether a marriage works, and the ones that only feel important. Written to be asked with a wali present.

Read it
For families

A practical guide for walis

What a guardian is actually responsible for in the marriage process, what is customary rather than required, and how to run it without making it harder for everyone.

Read it
Deen

What conditions to write into a nikah

Continuing your studies, where you will live, the mahr. What is worth stipulating, what is customarily assumed, and where the scholars differ.

Read it

Matched on deen, not on photographs

Free to join, free to be found, and photographs hidden by default.

Create your free profile
Free to join and be found
No card, no auto-renewal
Create your free profile